


Full Circle

by gonattsaga



Series: A hundred and forty-two [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: EWE, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M, New Beginnings, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Canon Fix-It, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-10
Updated: 2016-07-18
Packaged: 2018-07-22 18:18:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7449361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gonattsaga/pseuds/gonattsaga
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Not until Severus has signed his release papers and they’re both standing on the pavement outside St. Mungos, does Harry’s elation finally subside and he glances uncertainly at Severus who also seem to hesitate. </p><p>Sequel to "Orphans of the storm"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. We've not come full circle yet, or perhaps we have several times over

There is a sense of awkward anticipation in the air, like the crackling tension of building thunder. Harry, in particular, is very nervous and it is making him fidgety, something that seems to be driving Severus insane who finally snaps at him to sit still. Both Harry and Augustus Pye jump, the medi-wizard stuttering to a stop halfway through his small lecture on after care. 

 

Harry gives Severus a wide-eyed guilty look, as a deep crimsom blush breaks out in his face, ”S-Sorry—”

 

”Don’t apologise!” Severus says sharply, then turns his glare on the healer until he scurries out of the room to give the two of them some privacy. ”Tell me what’s bothering you…”

 

”Well…” Harry says and swallows a couple of times in the hope of dislodging the lump in his throat but without luck. ”We haven’t really talked about… I mean… I know we agreed to take things slowly, and we will —!” he adds quickly. ”As slow as you want, I promise! But… I was wondering if I… could I…”

 

” _What_?” Severus snaps. 

 

”Come stay with you at Spinner’s End?” Harry finally says in a rush. 

 

Severus blinks in surprise, the glare fading quickly from his face.

 

”We wouldn’t have to, you know… I can sleep in my room — er — I mean, my room from before, the — the guestroom — I really wouldn’t mind!” Harry continues quickly. ”It’s just… I don’t want to stay at Grimmauld Place, especially not on my own, and also… I’d really prefer it if we were close, even if we _are_ taking things slowly, you know… _Please_?” he adds in a small voice, as doubt starts to creep into the forefront of his mind… _maybe Severus wants his space, maybe he wants to get his life back in order and think about things without me hanging around all the time,_ he thinks miserably, painfully aware that, although their kisses has meant the world to him, they might not have been as life-altering for Severus. 

 

The older man sighs, and Harry steels himself for the worst.

 

”Of coure you may stay with me”, Severus mutters, then gently rolls his eyes when Harry beams in relief. 

 

There is a quiet knock on the door, and Augustus Pye sticks his head inside the room. 

 

”All set?” he asks and Harry is amused to detect a hint of hope in his voice. 

 

Harry jumps to his feet and eagerly reaches out to help Severus sit up on the side of the bed, then immediately moves back and fidgets nervously as Severus swats his hands away, clearly intent on getting to his feet unaided. He edges further out on the side of the bed, his feet firmly planted on the floor as if getting used to the feel of it, and then sits quite still for a moment with a look of deep concentration on his face. It’s all Harry can do to keep his hands to himself when Severus finally pushes himself to his feet and then sways for a second, his eyes glazing over momentarily as he is hit with a dizzy spell. Augustus Pye moves forward jerkily with the intention to help somehow, but Harry waves him back. 

 

Severus takes a deep breath, what little colour he’s ever had returning to his face and his eyes regain their sharpness. He glances at Harry, his gratefulness unspoken but clear in his eyes. Harry smiles his encouragement as Severus takes his first, unsteady steps across the floor and by the time they reach the corridor outside his hospital room, Severus has almost entirely regained the regal posture and graceful gait that Harry has always associated with him, even before his infatuation. _All that’s missing is his billowing robes_ , he thinks fondly. 

 

Harry’s own clumsy feet make him feel like a right klutz as he walks along side the other man, but even that isn’t enough to bring his spirits down. He tries to get his grin under control, for Severus’s sake if nothing else, but it’s a losing battle. Severus rolls his eyes at him at one point, as they’re waiting for the lift, but he doesn’t seem genuinely annoyed so it only makes Harry smile wider. 

 

Not until Severus has signed his release papers and they’re both standing on the pavement outside St. Mungos, does Harry’s elation finally subside and he glances uncertainly at Severus who also seem to hesitate. 

 

”I know how to Apparate now”, Harry blurts out. 

 

”I should hope so”, Severus mutters, but there’s still a hint of uncertainty around his eyes. 

 

”I can Side-Along Apparate as well”, Harry adds, and Severus scowls at a point halfway up his shoulder. ”Will you let me, please, for my peace of mind?”

 

”Nice try”, Severus mumbles and glances away, but then he sighs. ”However, I must confess to feeling quite weakened still… Perhaps it is better if you Side-Along me…”

 

”Right, yeah”, Harry says, his heart tapping in double time inside his chest. ”Sure, no problem!”

 

Severus sighs again, still refusing to look directly at Harry, as though ashamed by his body’s weakness, but he slowly reaches out to link his arm in Harry’s and the contact is enough to inflame Harry’s skin and set his heartbeat racing. 

 

”Alright”, he says breathlessly. ”Here we go, then…”

 

As their feet connect with the dry grass of the river bank, Severus slowly releases Harry’s arm again and takes a small step away from him. Harry stomps down the impulse to follow him, and focuses instead on their surroundings. He can spot the large chimney in the near distance and is struck by an intense wave of deja vu, and before he’s even aware of it himself, his eyes have welled up and it’s through a blurry layer of tears that he sees Severus wide-eyed look of alarm. 

 

”What’s wrong?” the man says immediately. 

 

Harry gives a jerky shake of his and quickly blinks the tears away again. 

 

”Harry?”

 

”It’s just… we’ve sort of come full circle… you know?”

 

If Severus is surprised by Harry’s answer he doesn’t show it, but merely continues to stare intensely at him as though another explanation might be forth-coming if only he’s a little patient… Harry chokes down a chuckle at that; _Severus Snape patient… as if…_

 

”What?” he mutters finally. 

 

”Not yet”, Severus says immediately as if that had been the very thing he’d been waiting for and Harry frowns in confusion, ”What?” he says again. 

 

Severus finally looks away again. 

 

”We’ve not yet come full circle… or perhaps we have several times over… it all depends on what circle, and where one might believe that circle to have begun… of course, a circle has no beginning once it’s completed, so it would be impossible to deduce such a thing in retrospect.”

 

 _What,_ Harry doesn’t say again for a third time. _What would be the point? I’m not going to understand half of what he says when he gets like this anyway, and besides I don’t want to remind him of how stupid I am…_

 

”I’m sorry”, Severus mumbles and glances at Harry again, a flicker of uncertainty in his face the only thing alerting Harry to his nervousness and he smiles. 

 

”Don’t be. I love listening to you talk… I only meant, the last time we came here together it was sort of a fresh start for us… and now we’re back, I don’t know… I’m just so happy, I guess.”

 

”So happy you’re crying?” Severus murmurs. 

 

”I’m not _crying_ ”, Harry says with a sigh. ”I’m just… a little overwhelmed. I never even expected to survive the war, not really.”

 

”Me neither”, Severus whispers, and Harry wonders if he means he hadn’t expected Harry to survive or to survive himself. 

 

”So this _happily ever after_ never even crossed my mind”, he ploughs on. ”And now it’s suddenly here, within my grasp, and it’s… it’s… overwhelming.”

 

”If this is your idea of —”

 

”Well, it’s a start”, Harry cuts in before the older man’s self-deprecation turns to self-loathing and he sinks into one of his moods. 

 

It will not be easy, Harry knows, to prove his love and his intentions to Severus, or to convince a man who has believed himself to be a _worthless freak_ for most of his life that he might be worthy of affection from anyone, let alone The Chosen One; that Severus Snape might be The Chosen One’s _chosen one_ … 

 

 _It won’t be easy; but it will be worth it_ , Harry thinks and gently slips his hand inside Severus’s larger one. The older man says nothing, but he curls his long slender fingers around Harry’s and squeezes, and it’s all the reassurance Harry needs. 

 


	2. Tea and talking

Harry hovers at Severus’s elbow, watching the man’s impassive face for any sign of discomfort as they enter the small house. But Severus shows no sign of discomfort, nor comfort for that matter. He merely gazes into the gloom as if waiting for something to happen… Nothing does. 

 

Harry gives his hand a gentle squeeze. He blinks and continues walking deeper into the house. 

 

The creaking of the floorboards feel safe in their familiarity and Harry smiles to himself as he looks at the armchair where Severus would always sit with a book, and the sofa where he himself used to curl up in the corner closest to Severus that summer when he’d lived here. 

 

He can recall their comfortable silences as if it was only yesterday, as if it was right now — No, not now. This silence is still a little tense compared to those summer evenings… _But that’s all right_ , Harry thinks. 

 

_That was a lifetime ago; of course it will take some time to readjust._

 

”I’ll make some tea”, he offers, finally breaking the silence, and it’s a testament to how exhausted Severus is when he simply nods in agreement and sinks down in his armchair with a heavy sigh. 

 

Just like the last time Harry stayed with Severus at Spinner’s End, they find a comfortable routine within days. Severus refuses any help with his after care, so Harry finds alternative ways to dote on him, like making tea and massaging the man’s shoulders after a long day of brewing potions. 

 

Sometimes Severus even lets Harry help out in the kitchen when he cooks their meals, but Harry isn’t sure if that’s more for his own benefit or Severus’s, who could just as easily bewitch the knife to chop the ingredients, and he’d probably get a better result then… But Harry enjoys working together with Severus in companionable silence and he gets the sense that Severus enjoys it too. 

 

After the first week, Harry plucks up the courage to suggest that Severus join him on the sofa instead of taking his usual seat in the armchair when they’re about to settle down for their evening read. Severus stares at him silently for a moment and Harry eventually starts to fidget when he can’t read the expression on the man’s face.

 

”You want to…” Severus trails off uncertainly and Harry feels his face flush.

 

”We don’t have to do anything — just read — but — but you’re so far away, that’s all…”

 

Severus says nothing. Harry feels his face heat up further and ducks his head to hide some of it. It’s become his standard phrase in the past week it seems. _We don’t have to do anything, I just want to be close… We don’t have to do anything, I just want to be near you… We don’t have to do anything, I just like spending time with you… I just… I just…_

 

They kiss fairly often, but usually it’s soft and feathery, just innocent little pecks, brief touches to say _good morning_ , or _thank you,_ or _it will be okay_ , very rarely do they linger, and almost never do they deepen it like they did when Severus was still in St Mungos. 

 

Harry has tried a couple of times when they’ve kissed _good night_ in the doorway to his room, he’s held onto Severus’s head and licked his lips open, and the other man has responded every time but only for a few seconds — Then Harry has stepped closer and brought their bodies flush together, or moaned softly into the kiss — and Severus has immediately broken away and said _good night_ without even looking at him… and Harry has gone to bed alone and frustrated, but also giddy… 

 

After all, he meant it when he told Severus they could take things slowly, and he’s not about to scare the man away and ruin everything. But at the same time, shouldn’t they be beyond this by now? 

 

_It’s just a kiss…_

 

”Harry…” Severus murmurs softly, breaking him out of his thoughts. 

 

”Yeah?” he mumbles, without tearing his eyes away from the jagged edge of his tumbnail, _need to cut my nails…_

 

”Harry.”

 

”Yeah, what?”

 

”Will you look at me, please?”

 

Harry swallows, then glances up quickly before looking down again. Severus sighs and Harry watches through the corner of his eye as he pushes himself to his feet. _He’s going to leave,_ Harry thinks faintly. _I pushed him too far, too soon._

 

He blinks swiftly as his eyes begin to prickle. He’s vowed not to get too emotional around Severus; he wants him to _want_ to be close, not feel obligated to be just because he feels bad for Harry… 

 

The sofa cushion dips as Severus takes a seat next to him and Harry topples sideways against him without even meaning to, but Severus’s arm is held out and ready for him and immediately curls around Harry’s back when he snuggles into the man’s side. 

 

”I’m sorry”, Severus murmurs with his lips pressed to Harry’s scalp, his breaths nestling their way into Harry’s messy hair. 

 

”What for?” Harry mumbles and closes his eyes, focusing all of his remaining senses on Severus’s heartbeat. 

 

”Everything”, the man replies simply. ”For being distant and making you doubt my intentions and feelings, for making you feel guilty about wanting intimacy, for making you believe that’s something you ought to apologise for… when it should be the other way round…”

 

”It’s okay”, Harry mumbles, his voice muffled as he burrows his face into Severus’s robes and all but nuzzles his heart.

 

”No, it is not okay”, the older man sighs. ”You have no idea how much I want  you, Harry…”

 

Harry’s eyes fly open, but he forces himself to remain absolutely still as he listens.

 

”I’ve wanted you for quite a long time”, the other man admits. ”I wanted you when it was wrong to want you—”

 

”When?” Harry croaks. 

 

”When you came to my chambers in Hogwarts and practically presented yourself on a platter”, Severus says drily. ”Although I wouldn’t let myself believe that you truly wanted me… And then Dumbledore…” he trails off and clears his throat. 

 

”Dumbledore, what?” Harry prods. 

 

”Dumbledore dropped the bomb shell — I was — I was so furious with him — heartbroken —”

 

”Because he’d kept you in the dark?”

 

”Because he’d kept me in the dark, because he’d let me fall — fall in — fall in love with you, when he knew all along that you would have to sacrifice yoursel—” Severus finally breaks off, his voice failing him. 

 

”Hey…” Harry murmurs soothingly and leans back enough to look into the man’s eyes, he cups his face and fixes him with an earnest look. ”I’m alive… I’m here… We’re both here…”

 

Severus nods, his throat still working convulsively. 

 

”I love you”, Harry continues and watches in fascination as the sheen in Severus’s eyes intensifies and turns into thick tears that finally tumble over his lashes. ”And I _do_ want you… like… _really badly_!”

 

Severus lets out a half-choked chuckle and Harry beams at him, brushing the tears off his cheeks with his thumbs. 

 

”I have to admit, my doubts were severely diminished when I saw your Patronus”, Severus mumbles. 

 

”Yeah, there you go!” Harry says. ”Couldn’t have faked that, could I?”

 

”I never believed you to be sinister enough to trick me”, Severus protests. ”I just didn’t think you were serious, I thought maybe it was hero worship or — or — pubescent infatuation —”

 

”Yeah, all right, first of all —” Harry cuts in. ” _Now_ you might be my hero, but I never knew any of that, did I? Not until I watched you memories, you silly man! And pub-whatever — Well, I can’t help how old I am, and I can’t see into the future, but…”

 

”No, it’s all right, Harry, you don’t owe me any promises”, Severus interrupts swiftly and leans away, visibly collecting himself again and Harry swallows a sigh. 

 

 _Well, at least we got_ somewhere… _hopefully he won’t need another month to process all this, before we have our next talk…_

 

”I’m going to make a pot of tea!” Harry declares and jumps to his feet. 

**Author's Note:**

> Just a short chapter to set things off. I'm still working out the outline of this story and I'm still not sure where it's going. So you might want to check back later?


End file.
